Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Godzilla Pooped On My Honda

I'm about to do this meme that Shannon and Diane have been up to lately, which is a big list of books and I'll tell you if I've read them or not, and I get to understand why I went to college because having attended means that I've read a good amount of those books, which, in turn, I get to list off on a blog. God, that was a good $100,000 spent.

But first, I need to share with you the last book I read. It's titled, Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich (and other stories you're sure to like, because they're all about monsters and some of them are also about food. You like food, don't you? Well, all right then.) So, anyway, as if the title doesn't totally give it away already, it's a fantastic book of poems about various monsters. So, like, there's a poem about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde where in the doc messes up the potion and instead makes himself turn into an incredibly boring old man named Mr. Henderson. Then there is this rivalry between the Yeti and Bigfoot. The phantom of the opera is annoyed, continually. And finally, the title of the last poem, which I stole for the title of this post, had The Kid crying with laughter for a full 5 minutes. I timed him. He loves the poo jokes.

So, if you have a 7 year old, and you know who you are, you MUST go check this book out of the library, like, THIS WEEKEND. Okay?

Anyway, I read books:

Use blue font for everything you’ve read
Use red font for everything you’ve started but never finished
Use purple font for everything you’ve read but wish you hadn’t
Use yellow font for everything you’d never read, even you and that book were the only things to survive the apocalypse
Use black font for things you’ve never read
Use green front for things you want to read
Use orange font if you’ve read the author but not that particular work

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) [and shannon begins to wonder why it is she calls me her best friend]
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela's Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She's Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender's Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller's Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones' Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte's Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard's First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

But, like, anyway, of all of these books, none of them are my favorite. Here's where you actually can learn a little something about me and my feeling about literature (other than poop/dinosaur/poetry): My favorite book of all time and ever and forever because it just gives me the shakes thinking about it is Lolita.


Sarah Dawson said...

So you hate Ayn Rand, huh? She just annoys me.

Why Anna Karenina? I actually loved that book, but it was a while ago that I read it. said...

$100,000 now officially worth it. Yahoo! I knew there was a real world application in there somewhere. =]

Diane said...

I need to quit reading what everyone else has read. The comparisons are massive.

I bought Lolita several years ago in Keystone. It sits on our bookshelf unread.

molly_g said...

Oh, woops. anna karenina and the dickens books as well were meant to be ORANGE. As in, I've read some Dickens and I've read some Tolstoy, but I hadn't read those books, but like, I also don't feel as though I want to read them.

But yeah, Ayn Rand takes me back to those jack holes sitting across from me in my honors seminars that I always fantasized throwing things at.

molly_g said...

One more comment on my own blog (or two):

$100,000 education, and I still end sentences with prepositions and use the words 'like' and 'dude' a lot. My mom is proud.

And Diane, give it a try. It's engrossing, I think.

Alison said...

I like this book thing. It's fun. I put it on one of my blogs. I apparently need multiple blogs for multiple personalities.

Persuasion by A.S. Byatt (you may know it as the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow, Aaron blanking-on-the-last-name, Jeremy Northam, and good ol' what's-her-name) is one of the hands down most beautifully written books I've ever read. It's not an easy read. But it's incredibly intelligent and literary and clever. I love it.

beans said...

You haven't finished Ulysses? I mean come on, get with it...

mr lady said...

You haven't read East of Eden? It's one of my mostest favoritest books. I'm buying it for you. And, oh Lolita. Oh god. Oh lord, how that book makes me swoon. Have you ever read The Gospel According to Jesus Christ? It's like Lolita in that it translates to English in a beatiful and almost innappropriate way. I love it more than Owen and almost more than HG2G.

Sarah Dawson said...

Oh, Owen. Man, that was a monster for me to get through, but I so love it. It's the capital letters, mostly.

Can I add a book? The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen is hands down the best book I read this year. It's like, about dysfunctional families. Truly, truly terrific. Beautiful and touching and funny and deeply sad. You will experience all emotions when reading this book, I promise.

Anonymous said... they have a list they recommend for people who aren't teenage girls or Oprah-addicted housewives?

molly_g said...

Oprah addicted housewives read ulysses? Jackass.