Wednesday, August 22, 2007

When in doubt, haiku.

I can't seem to post
I'd prefer to watch re-runs,
sleep, or sudoku.

stream of consciousness
haiku. brought to you by me,
cuz I don't write prose.

(not tonight, anyway)

The Kid started school
Second grade already, sheesh.
He missed the routine.

He's ramping up like
He did last year. I don't know
what we're up against.

What do his meds do?
Takes them everyday, for what?
He'll lose control still.

What do his meds do?
What will this do to his brain?
I mean, like, longterm.

But what would it be
to have him not take his meds?
Better? Worse? Way worse?

I am turning into
J. Alfred Prufrock. Mermaids
do not sing to me.

In the room the wo-
men come and go talking of

I lost my Norton
Anthology. No more
T.S. Eliot

plus, I should stop with
that. you all are going to think
I'm losing my shit.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Manic Depression is a frustrating mess

Having a kid that is manic and anxious is not so great all of the time. Especially when they are REALLY manic and REALLY anxious. Want an example?

Holidays. Especially holidays featuring supernatural beings that place shit about your home. Last Christmas? I don't think I went to bed until 2 am. Not because of the fun I was having decking the halls, but because The Kid was so excited about Santa coming that he could not sleep, not a wink, until a heavy dose of benadryl finally knocked him out, which I gave him about 1:30. I believe I remember getting him down to sleep at one point, coming up, and next thing I knew he was back in the living room, thisclose to having the whole Santa facade crash down on his anxious head.

Another example? Easter. I rubbed his back for the entire Messiah from 10:30 to oh, what, 11:45 that night. And then the placing of eggs about the house, the jingling coins and the jelly beans against the hard casings of the eggs just about gave me an anxiety attack, for fear that he'd wake up and find me hiding them.

Tonight, we've got the tooth fairy on schedule for a pick up. He lost his tooth tonight, the third baby tooth to go, and there was much rejoicing. Luckily, I've been saving change for this purpose for the past few weeks. However, it's now 12:15 on a Thursday, he's just gone back to bed for the umpteenth time. The kitten is looking at me like, 'Dude, you know I'm scheduled to start attacking your feet in like four and a half hours, right? You better get some sleep.'

At what point to I give up, go to bed, and tell him the tooth fairy had to pass our house over because he didn't fall asleep at the right time? I don't dare, because the foul mood of bad sleep, plus the disappointment would result in a rage. A rage that would spread to when I drop him at my mom's house tomorrow morning, and I hate when she gets his bad moods.

It's not just that, though. I want him to get some some coins from the tooth fairy. It's what you do for your kid. It's fun, right? It's supposed to be fun, right? It's fun for parents of typical kids, right? It's just stuff like this, the stuff we're supposed to enjoy as parents, that I feel like I'm missing out on sometimes.

Whatever, it will still be cute tomorrow morning when he sees his fairy present... If I can wake up.